There is a common saying, albeit an older and somewhat dated saying, “Don’t judge me.” I speak with many people who claim to be non-judgmental…but why? Making assessments, assigning risk and making decisions based on that judgement is essential to survival. But more importantly, we must make those same assessments of ourselves or we will not effectively direct our personal growth.
I actually WANT to be judged. I welcome feedback even if it is contrary to my outlook…often especially if it disagrees with my views! This is how we learn (unless we already know everything and therefore are not open to learning).
By the same token, I make decisions daily based on calculations tempered by my observations of the world around me. This include things like which route to take when traveling, who to trust with my children or my bank accounts, whether the guy walking toward me on the sidewalk looks like a threat, etc. All of these things are important and all are necessary to my well being.
But there are more personal assessments that we make in life. Do you know someone who has a lot of friends? There are people who call everyone they meet a friend and then there are those who realize that true friendship is earned over time. In order to determine who is worthy of that exclusive title we must make judgments of the person’s character and use that information to determine if they are worth investing the time it takes to maintain a close relationship. If so, the rewards are immeasurable. If not, the risk is greater than the potential.
So the next time someone says that they don’t judge people, ask them why they don’t. Teach your children to be discriminating and to know the difference between an acquaintance and a true friend. And by all means, be your own worst critic! It is your best tool to enhance your station in life.
A friend of mine has a saying that happiness is not having what you want, it is wanting what you have. Many of us think in terms of…stuff. While having material things can and does make life easier (assuming you could afford those things when you purchased them), the real secret to happiness is around us all the time. For example it could be a quiet moment with someone special or catching a glimpse of a beautiful sunset. We often take for granted the endearing moments like when our toddler breaks several dozen eggs in the kitchen floor and laughs hysterically as each one smashes.
In fact, many of the things that irritate us in day to day life become the moments we hold on to when a loved one has left this world. Sometimes we never get a chance to say the things we really mean. Sometimes we hold grudges until it is too late to let them go. And sometimes we just overlook the obvious.
I was fortunate that life showed me the real value of family and true friends. I hope that those reading this post will also take a moment, smell the roses, hug a loved one and simply…want what you have.
Are you the bright spot in the day or do you blend in to the background?
In my line of work I come in contact with hundreds of people every day. Most of the time I look forward to my job. But there are days where I really don’t want to see people. You know those days. Sometimes we just don’t have a choice of whether or not to deal with people when we really don’t feel like social contact.
Fortunately, I have a choice on whether I reflect that negativity to my clients. It used to be that I would let things like this affect my interaction with others. But it quickly became
When you look at this tree do you see something old and tired or something with amazing stories to tell?
evident that doing so could have a negative effect on my business. But it also rubbed off on the people I associated with. So I began an experiment. When someone inquired how I was doing I would answer enthusiastically that I was great! After two or three times saying it like I meant it I actually DID mean it! What’s more, those around me would “catch” the upbeat attitude and everyone behaved in a more positive manner.
So if you are feeling a bit on the blue side, do yourself a favor and deny the urge to wallow in self-pity. At the very least you will avoid subjecting those around you to your pains. But you never know, you may just teach yourself to be one of those annoying people who are always cheery no matter what! Besides, life is too short to waste it by not enjoying each day for what it is worth.